Guide to Based Children’s Entertainment

The Kids are Alt-Right

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This guide being posted on Christmas eve, it comes late—it should have been posted weeks ago. My apologies. Still, there’s never a bad time to buy your kids a based book.

Children’s entertainment is woefully overlooked in our circles. It’s understandable—many of our folk are not yet parents. But part of why your enemies now rule over you is that they’ve been slithering into the world of children’s entertainment for many years, and today’s “kidults” have grown up steeped in ideological slop like Harry Potter. It’s much worse even than that today, with children’s and young adult books ham-fistedly proselytizing “our democratic values” of multiculturalism and anti-tradition, all looking suspiciously like this like this:

The radical right has had a few contemporary forays into wholesome children’s literature, but mostly you’re restricted to older content; and we currently have no film or animation studios. In this article we are going to give you a guide to entertainment that won’t turn your kids into something weird and gross. We will focus mainly on young children (especially with books), but will include some for older children. So without further ado, let’s get to the list.

We begin with films.

Disney pre-1980s

You pretty much can’t go wrong with old Disney. Films like Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty are priceless works of art that have perennial appeal to girls. Disney has less to offer boys, but films like Robin Hood and The Sword in the Stone are great adventure tales. Once upon a time, Disney didn’t treat children as fragile snowflakes but was willing to hold up the reality of the world to them in a way they could handle, as in Bambi, which deals with the theme of death while also celebrating traditional values of lineage and courage. The cut-off point is The Fox and the Hound (1981) which was a childhood favourite of mine, but here you can see the rot has set in. The Black Cauldron (1985) was excellent, but avoid everything after.

Boys: 8/10
Girls: 10/10
Age: 3+ (varies by film)

Angry Birds (2016)

This is a fun film based on a video game series, where a group of birds must defend their home against a group of migrant pigs who have shown up in a boat. Although the pigs bring certain benefits, the birds don’t trust them, and rightly so because the pigs are just there to make off with their eggs. Released as Trump Derangement Syndrome was just getting going, it was lambasted by critics for its “anti-refugee message” and its validation of righteous anger at being invaded.¹ This is of course what makes it wholesome, but beyond that it’s fun, and also the main pig has a Muslim beard. It was good enough that I went to see it in the theatre even without young children.

Boys: 7/10
Girls: 6/10
Age: 6+

Transformers (1986)

Huge robots battling in space with ultraviolence. Pure spectacle and testosterone. Conflicts resolved through force. Heroic “great men (robots)” do everything, no hint of radical environmentalism or progressive values. It’s been a dog’s age since I watched this but from memory it’s exactly what boys are not allowed to have today but should be.

Boys: 10/10
Girls: 3/10
Age: 7+

Paddle to the Sea (1966)

This enchanting short film showcases Canada in a way that captures the spirit of the land. The story follows Paddle-to-the-Sea, a little wooden Indian in a canoe carved by a child, which he releases into the river in the Nipigon country north of the Great Lakes, and which makes its way to the Atlantic Ocean through a series of profiles of the countryside. Anyone who knows and loves the feel of a northern country will cherish this film. It’s one of my children’s favourites, and brings them closer to “the old country”.

Boys: 9/10
Girls: 9/10
Age: 2+

Now for TV shows.

SpongeBob Squarepants (1999–present)

For a massive cultural phenomenon, SpongeBob is surprisingly free of woke nonsense. It creates a bright, cosy environment with memorable characters, and it holds out neutral-to-OK values for children. SpongeBob’s cheerful attitude is contrasted with the cynical snark of Squidward and Mr. Krabs’ greed, with the incurably evil Plankton as a genuinely funny character. It’s not really “based”, but it is at least mostly wholesome, which is more than you get out of 99% of children’s shows.

Boys: 7/10
Girls: 7/10
Age: 5+

Hungarian Folktales (1980–1989)

The gold standard of children’s TV. Produced by a Hungarian animation studio, this series retells traditional Hungarian folktales (many of which show up as variants elsewhere across Europe) in a highly authentic style. Animated with high weirdness and capturing the uncanny magic of archaic folklore, this series of 100 episodes is pretty much the strongest inoculation you can give your children against modernity. It will transport them to a realm of enchantment where they will learn natural gender dynamics, distrust of strangers, physiognomy, oathkeeping, connection to the soil, and other eternal commands of the folk.

Boys: 10/10
Girls: 10/10
Age: 4+

Jim Henson’s The Storyteller (1987)

A cult classic, sadly with only one season. The Storyteller has nine traditional European folktales masterfully retold by John Hurt. Filmed in a combination of puppetry and live action, this series focuses on the weird and most ancient tales, and is dark, gritty, and tinged with melancholy. Some scenes, especially the ones with the devils in The Soldier and Death, are permanently singed into my brain. If you want to get as close as possible to having your children experience a fiery tale from the Bronze Age, this is your ticket. See also the spinoff series Greek Myths, filmed in the same style—only four episodes.

Boys: 9/10
Girls: 8/10
Age: 5+

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987–1996)

A staple of any 90s kid’s TV diet, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is a fun action series that’s relatively free of gross ideology. My children went through an extended phase where they were asking me to show them “what Daddy used to watch as a kid”, and while I thought they were too young for the Turtles, it turns out they loved it. There’s very little in here that’s scary (apart from maybe Krang) or really even that violent, so I let them watch. Like SpongeBob, it’s harmless fun.

Boys: 8/10
Girls: 5/10
Age: 7+

Rainbow Ruby (2016–2020)

It’s rare to find a children’s show that’s free of diseased values but also modern and well produced, so when you find it, you cherish it. Rainbow Ruby is just that. When my kids started running through Netflix shows, this one stood out to me as having zero anti-white themes, zero girlboss nonsense, zero multiculturalism, etc. So I did a little digging and found that the show was produced by a Korean TV studio. Gods willing, we ourselves will do this again one of these days. In any case, Rainbow Ruby is not only free of degeneracy, but teaches good lessons. In each episode, Ruby has to solve some problem with the help of her collection of stuffed toys, but always runs into some problem that she has to overcome by cleverness and determination. Perfect for little girls. Unsurprisingly, Netflix has removed it.

Boys: 2/10
Girls: 10/10
Age: 4+

Paw Patrol (2013–present)

Another fun adventure romp, and with some hilariously based themes. In each episode, the boy Ryder leads a team of search & rescue dogs in “Adventure Bay” which seems to be entirely lacking in state services. For most of the early seasons, there was only one girl, and she looked and acted like a girl. In the team of pups, there is a clear hierarchy and absolute chain of command, with Ryder giving orders and Chase acting as his deputy, with perfect obedience by the other pups, who each stay in their lane and have their own specialty. The team never disagrees about anything, ever. The leader is of a visibly different caste (human, ruling and commanding the dogs), and even the mayor of Adventure Bay is a diversity hire who is more interested in playing with her pet chicken Chickaletta than doing anything useful. In Paw Patrol, your kids will see a clear and definite hierarchy in a society where classes work in collaboration and not conflict, a quasi-feudal world of corporativism where the body politic works in harmony.

Boys: 9/10
Girls: 7/10
Age: 4+

Bluey (2018–present)

Another rare modern kids show that’s surprisingly wholesome. Bluey follows the life of a family of Blue Heeler dogs: a Mum, Dad, and two girls. There’s a little bit of gross stuff here and there with the Dad occasionally slathered in makeup by the girls, but overall the show is great. The Dad is the strongest character in the show and though he’s far from a patriarch, nor is he a Homer Simpson-like boob. Instead he is the source of fun and an endless series of ridiculous games for the girls, but when the chips are down he’s also a source of wisdom and strength. Only mildly girlbossy, Bluey comes about as close to portraying a healthy family dynamic on TV as modernity will allow.

Boys: 7/10
Girls: 8/10
Age: 4+

Finally, we move on to books.